It should just be added to the list of sports in the upcoming Summer Olympics: pitting women against each other. I mean it’s pretty friggin’ ridiculous that no matter what you do, how you look, what decision you make in life, you’re going to be compared to the next woman based on what she does, how she looks and what decisions she makes in life. Social media and the rise of the meme, unfortunately, gives life to what I’m saying. The comparisons must stop!

Here are 5 female “competitions” we need to blow the whistle on!

The Naturalista vs The Permed – A woman’s hair is said to be her crowning glory and whether she chooses to let it live in it’s natural state or, change its texture with chemicals is her business and doesn’t make her any less a Queen. It’s real easy to sell the notion that a woman who rocks her natural hair is the Mother, the Queen, the Regal One, the true representation of The Black Woman, while women who choose not to are less than. This my friends, isn’t true. Yes, while the natural goddess is all of these things and more, so is the permed queen. She too is The Mother, The Queen, The Regal One, The Black Woman. Take it from someone who’s rocked both options and felt every bit the queen I am, with both looks. 

The Fitness Guru vs The Not-so-Gym Buddy – Listen, we all want to look good, whatever our versions of that is. Whether we sweat it out in the gym twice a day or plop straight on the couch after work with a sandwich who are you to tell us what’s best…for us? The woman who has made fitness, working out and burpees a part of her everyday life is a beast and should be applauded for her strength. But the girl who’d rather not enter a gym or does 5 sit ups per week is bad ass as well! Let her live! Save your “fitthick” and “no days off” memes! Again, I toggle between both from time to time and feel equally badass while I’m doing mountain climbers or…watching someone else do them. No comparisons there!

The 9 to 5’er  vs The #Girlboss – Money certainly doesn’t discriminate and whether you get it on the 15th and 30th of the month or via direct deposits 4 times a week…girl you winning! No need for the comparisons! More so than ever, millenials are leaving the corporate world to do their own thing, giving rise to the #girlboss movement. While, I too love this movement (and am a part of it), I know the girl who who works a steady job, clocks in, has a set lunch hour and a cubicle near the office window. She’s my sister, my mother, my best friend…she used to be me! And let me tell you, she is fierce, handling business and making money too! That #girlboss? She’s also killing it!

I saved the best ones for last!

Wife vs Girlfriend – I can’t believe we’re still having this silly competition. And women seem to be the ones moderating it! Reality TV has successfully advanced this notion with the married vs single storyline. I think it’s pretty ridiculous that a woman is made to feel less than because she’s no one’s wife or made to feel like she’s better if she is. The institution of marriage is great and many women aspire to and dream of their time to experience it. But face it, some women simply don’t and a ring on “that” finger isn’t a must…and that’s true! Either way, married or nah, she is woman hear her roar!

Mommy vs “No Kids As Yet”- As beautiful as it is (so I’ve heard), I really don’t think giving birth to a child is the one thing that determines how much woman you are. Again the infiltration of social media and reality TV has skewed our thinking in this regard. I’m no fan of Kenya Moore from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but when the other ladies (who are mothers) get into it with her, they often bring up the fact that she’s over 40 with no kids. The whole world knows that she’d love to have kids one day complete with a husband, house and dog but the fact that it hasn’t happened for her doesn’t take away her vag card and makes her less woman. There’s no competition between mothers and those who haven’t brought a child into this world so let’s end that right there!

As a woman who has been on both sides of these “competitions” minus being a mother and wife, I can tell you that in no position have I ever felt less than or more than another woman, I didn’t need to get into comparisons. There was no need having to compete with what was “opposite” of me at the time. I love the fact that as women we’re celebrating each other and creating social communities for those with like minds. But some of the memes and posts are getting a bit insane for my taste and seem to be moving away from celebrating the looks hobbies and statuses and bashing those who chose to live differently. Quit it with the comparisons.

Live. Love. Write it Down.